Okay vent time.

This guy comes into my work a lot because he works across the street at the airport. He’s a year older than me and we use to go to high school together. He visits me all the time and we talk a lot. I have one of those little crushes on him. ANYWAYS he asked me to hang out tomorrow(which is now today), he texted me all last night and was like oh when will you be up, when do you want to come over, and all that stuff. So I woke up and texted him. He was working on a planes engine that had broke the night before and every time he texted me he’s like oh it’s gonna be a while longer and I’ll call you when I’m done and we can chill and apologized. So I got tired of waiting around and wasn’t going to waste my only day off that I have for someone especially since the weather was beautiful for once. So I hung out with my friend Madison. We had a blast and went shopping and drove everywhere. We went to WoodField and as we were walking I stopped in my tracks and thank goodness there was one of those map directories to hide behind because he was RIGHT THERE! Walking with some chick. I was like really this kid?! He’s not even the manwhore type, makes all these plans with me and is the one who asked to hangout with me first and he blows me off making excuses. Come on you really couldn’t have been straight forward. I wish I would have just walked up to him and been like oh I thought you were working on the plane you asshole. But instead I sent him a text saying “Thanks for standing me up for another girl. I completely understand. Honestly you could have just told me and been straight forward.” and I never got a response. I hope he feels like shit cause he made me feel like the idiot when he is the actual one here in this situation. This was so bogus. I honestly wish I had never started to catch up with him again to know this would happen. Whether I liked him more than a friend or just as a friend that is just low to blow someone off like that.

I don’t think you understand I didn’t have a choice to leave you. I don’t think you understand I still love you but you’re too blind to see. You’re too blind to see it kills to see you, your pictures, and talk to you. I do wish things worked out but it can’t and it won’t. I can’t be with people and I don’t know how to. It scares me. Ill always be scared. No matter what. I guess I just have to say to myself everything will be okay.

I’ll miss you dad.

sodamnrelatable:

(Source: chatterboxrose)

will stay far far away from love as possible and will find a guy who won’t cheat on me or hurt me. I will find a guy that will treat me like the princess I am and always be the one and only. I will not take any cheaters or give second chances anymore, for I have learned it will never get better and just kill me on the inside everyday because I know I will never get over it. I will put myself first for now and focus on myself and enjoy life. I will learn to find love when it is time and cherish it. I am good enough and I don’t deserve bull shit. I will find happiness.